Donny was a good bowler... and a good man.... He was. . . He was one of us... He was a man who loved the outdoors...and bowling...and as a surfer he explored the beaches of southern California...
from La Jolla... to Leo Carillo and up to Pismo... He died...he died as so many young men of his generation... before his time... In your wisdom Lord you took him... As you took so many bright flowering young men... at Khe San and Lan Doc... and Hill 364... These young men gave their lives... And so did Donny... Donny who loved bowling... And so, Theodore...Donald...Karabotsos... in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been... we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of... WALTER ...the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well...
- HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?... AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO!...
- Let me tell you something else... I've seen a lot of spinals, Dude, and this guy is a fake... a fucking goldbricker...
- Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FUCKINGPAST!... I...Jesus... What the hell happened?...
- Well, sir, it's this rug I had. It really tied the room together.
- Look, let me explain something to you. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or His Dudeness … Duder … or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing.
- This is a very complicated case, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-you's. And, uh, lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head. Luckily I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind limber.
- Careful, man, there's a beverage here!
- Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
- Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?! [Proceeds to smash up what he wrongly believes is Larry's new Corvette] This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
- Fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling.
- Shut the fuck up, Donny.
- And what do they got?... My dirty undies... My fucking whites...Say, Dude, where is your car?...
- They're gonna kill that poor woman...
- Dipshit with a nine-toed woman...
- You're KILLING your FATHER, Larry!...
- Not fair? Whose the fucking nihilists around here?!
- Sure you'll see some tank battles... But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle...
- Pilar? My name is Walter Sobchak, this is my associate Jeffrey Lebowski. Uh, we came to talk about little Larry... May we come in?...
- You want a toe?... I can get you a toe, believe me... There are ways, Dude... You don't wanna know about it, believe me...
- You know, that's your answer for everything, Dude... and let me point out something...pacifism is not...look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq...pacifism is not something to hide behind...!...
- Ok, time for Plan B... You might want to watch out that front window Larry...
- Huh?.. Oh, that's Cynthia's dog... I think it's a Pomeranian... I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture... I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii...
- That's right, Dude... the beauty of this is its simplicity... once a plan gets too complex, everything can go wrong... If there's one thing I learned in Nam...
- The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.
- Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
- The Dude: My … my wi– my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man!
- The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you … I'm not … we're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
- Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
- The Dude: My rug.
- Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
- The Dude: Walter, the Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The Chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you do not … also, Dude, "Chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
- The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy …
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you…?
- The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!
- Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!
- Walter Sobchak: Over the line!
- Smokey: Huh?
- Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
- Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
- Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
- Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
- Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
- The Dude: Walter, ya know, it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man.
- Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
- Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.
- Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.
- The Dude: Walter …
- Walter Sobchak: You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.
- Smokey: I'm not …
- Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.
- Smokey: Dude, he's your partner …
- Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy?! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?! Mark it zero!
- The Dude: They're calling the cops, put the piece away.
- Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero!
- [points gun in Smokey's face]
- The Dude: Walter …
- Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero!
- Smokey: All right, it's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?
- Walter Sobchak: It's a league game, Smokey.
- Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
- Brandt: Ah-hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
- Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
- Brandt: Ah-haha. That's marvelous.
- The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
- Walter Sobchak: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.
- The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
- Walter Sobchak: You mean … beyond pacifism?
- The Dude: Walter … what am I going to tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: I told that fuck down at the league office … who's in charge of scheduling?
- The Dude: Walter …
- Donny: Burkhalter.
- Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
- The Dude: Walter …
- Donny: They already posted it.
- Walter Sobchak: Well they can fucking unpost it!
- The Dude: Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
- Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: I'm Shomer Shabbos.
- Donny: What's that?
- The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!
- Donny: Sheesh.
- Walter Sobchak: Shomer Shabbos!
- The Dude: Walter, how am I going to …
- Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking Shabbos.
- The Dude: Oh fuck it. I'm out of here.
- Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude … [rolls his eyes at Donny] Fucking baby …
- [Donny nods]
- The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana … that creep can roll, man.
- Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
- The Dude: Yeah.
- Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
- The Dude: Oh!
- Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
- Donny: What's a … pederast, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
- [Jesus approaches]
- Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
- The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
- Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click".
- The Dude: Jesus.
- Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
- Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude.
- Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
- The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
- Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
- The Dude: Yeah, but Walter …
- Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon … with nail polish. These fucking amateurs …
- Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
- Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
- Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?
- The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You human … paraquat! You figured "oh, here's a loser", you know? A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
- The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?
- The Dude: Well, yeah!
- The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides.
- The Stranger: [voiceover] The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.
